Waiting for Perfection

What happens if tomorrow never comes? So many of us that pursue horse sports are perfectionists, especially those involved in dressage. We over-analyze everything about our horses, from how they stand in the crossties (“Why is he resting that left hind leg so much?” or “Is she shifting around because she’s sore?”)  to how they feel under saddle (“Was that an uneven step?” or “Why did he toss his head into the halt?”).

Photo Credit: Mutt Love Photography

Sometimes detailed analysis is a fabulous thing. It can help us to track our horse’s behaviours and discover problems before they’re obvious to someone else. If we can catch a subtle discomfort and fix it before it becomes a lameness or help a horse that’s feeling insecure before it develops full-blown anxiety, we can help our horses to stay happier, healthier, and more comfortable in their jobs and environment.

Taking things slowly, building a proper foundation, and not rushing out to a show before our horse is ready to cope with the mental pressure or physical stress is acting in their best interests. It takes time to prepare a horse for the physical and mental pressure that they are placed under when competing or going to other off-property events such as shows, clinics, or even trail rides in unknown locations. Making sure we set them up for success instead of throwing them into the deep end is not only kinder, it also reduces the risk of physical injury to them or ourselves.

Other times, however, we get so worried about the tiniest hint of something that it stops us in our tracks. It becomes a negative, and we obsess over it, worry about it, and fixate on it daily. Eventually, we end up creating the problem by our fear of it, before it has even happened. Our horses feel the stress of being constantly under the microscope or always having to measure up to our perfectionism or fear of failure. Anxiety leads to stress, which increases the strain on both the body and mind, increasing the risk of injury. Our minds are a powerful thing, and if we obsess over something, we can end up creating the very thing we are trying to avoid.

Many riders become so fearful of making a mistake, they hold themselves back from progress. For example, showing can be a great tool for getting feedback from judges and learning what you need to work on. It can show the little holes in a horse’s training, that don’t always appear obvious at home. But how many riders do you know that are afraid to go to a show, because they’re worried about doing poorly? Or won’t ride in a clinic, because they’re scared that they’ll look incompetent in front of their peers? How often do we miss out on opportunities for fear of failure?

Instead of looking at such scenarios as a place where we could fail, what if we shifted our mindset to one of progress? Focusing on the learning opportunities and growth, versus measuring ourselves against our peers? Instead of waiting until we are at the point where we could win, what if we put ourselves out there sooner, adopting a growth mindset instead of a competitive one? There is nothing wrong with being competitive and wanting to succeed, but we all need to start somewhere. We don’t start out being great at hard things, we must work to become great.

By stepping out and doing something that’s hard, that we might not execute at an excellent level, we are also setting the example for others that it’s ok not to be perfect. Social media has created a culture where people showcase their best side while hiding their failures or weaknesses. We strive so hard to create this perfect image of our lives and selves, that we set an impossible standard to live up to. We become afraid of being publicly criticized or judged by others, especially with all the keyboard warriors out there. If we are going to change that culture into a positive one, we need to be willing to show our struggles and not just perfection. Normalizing the ups and downs we all go through behind the scenes is crucial to this.

When I started showing in dressage, I learned about the stigma attached to test scores. Most people won’t show at a level they know they may score lower at than their ideal. For some, that’s a 60%. For others it’s a 65% or 70%. While we definitely should not be showing at a level our horse isn’t capable of, at the same time, we need to accept the fact that not every ride will go perfectly. No matter how prepared we are, things can go wrong. A windstorm can send a lawn chair flying past the ring, a passerby or photographer might spook your horse, or your horse might just be having an off day after trailering and standing in a stall all weekend (I have personally experienced all these scenarios!) and your score will take the hit.

Instead of being embarrassed by a bad test, we can recognize that these things happen and not let it negatively impact our self-esteem. Equally important, we need to make sure we don’t let it affect our horse. Sometimes we take things out on our horses outright, when we feel like they didn’t perform the way they should have. I have witnessed people lose their temper with their horse when they were embarrassed or frustrated and become abusive. But sometimes it is more psychological.

Horses are extremely sensitive and intuitive beings. They feel our emotions even if we don’t show them openly. They are also very sensitive to how we speak about them or feel toward them. Lacey loves it when I sing her praises, but she will become very gloomy if I say something to someone about her not being participative. I have made that mistake in the past, and it had a detrimental effect on our partnership. They are no different than we are in that they want to be loved and feel appreciated for who they are. I try very hard now to speak positively of her and around her, the way I would around a fellow human.

If we are afraid of failure and constantly placing pressure on ourselves to be perfect, how does that affect our horses? Being so intuitive, it is guaranteed that they feel that pressure themselves. How often do they take on the emotional repercussions of our perfectionism by feeling judged or inadequate? We might feel we are protecting them from judgement and stress by holding back, such as not going to a show we are scared we might do poorly at. But what if they sense things such as our lack of confidence in their abilities and fear of judgement by others, and feel like they are failing?

A shift in mindset can change not only our outlook on life, but theirs. If we view shows and public appearances as a chance to go out and have fun with our horses versus a competition, we can focus on all the positive feelings such outings can generate. Appreciation for having a four-legged friend whom we can go on adventures with and being proud of them for who they are and where they are currently at can make them feel on top of the world. They could start to love shows because of the feeling of partnership and the thrill of going on adventures with their person, which in turn makes it even more fun for us since we will always have a far better time if our horses are enjoying themselves.

By focusing on appreciation of where we are at instead of waiting for where we are wanting to get to, we build harmony in our partnership with our horses. The greatest compliment and sign of success I can have at a show is for people to say that my horse and I looked harmonious and like we were having so much fun. That means far more than properly executed test movements, and is the true path to success – finding perfection and joy within each moment we spend with our horses. Instead of waiting for tomorrow, look for perfection in the now.