The What Ifs

How much of your life do you spend in the present moment? As someone who has always tended to worry about things, I can tell you that I have spent a lot of time in the potential future. Not even the actual future; the potential future. Why is it only the “potential” future? Because, if you think about it, a lot of the things we worry about don’t end up coming true.

Photo Credit: A Sharper Image Photography

Have you noticed that many of us who own or ride horses seem to be prone to anxiety and/or worry? It might have something to do with the fact that horses are, to quote Pat Parelli, “Claustrophobic panicaholics.” As far as anxiety-inducing activities go, there’s nothing quite like sitting on a thousand-pound animal that is freaking out because it thinks a leaf blowing across the ground is going to kill it. Or, it could have something to do with the financial stress of unexpected vet bills when the same beast makes a poor choice in the paddock. Then again, it could be worrying about an animal that can literally die from a tummy ache.

When you think about it, it’s rather ironic that those of us who are worriers by nature would choose such a hobby! That being said, the joys far outweigh the stressors. Rather than avoid things that make us worry, which would mean simultaneously depriving ourselves of the benefits and rewards that come along with them, learning to manage the anxiety seems like a far better plan.

Our fears can easily take us down a negative spiral if we let them. A worry or doubt crosses our mind, and before we know it, one thought leads to another and pretty soon we have painted the entire worst-case scenario in our minds. The worst part about this is that we don’t just think those negative thoughts – we let ourselves feel the emotions of them. When we combine thoughts and feelings, we are on the road to creating the very thing we are afraid of.

For example, let’s say we lead our horse into the arena for a ride, and notice the jumps have been moved to a different corner of the arena. Immediately we start thinking “Uh oh, my horse is going to be scared of that!” then our imagination starts to run wild, and we start to visualize our horse spooking at the jumps in the corner. We picture them leaping sideways, dumping us in the dirt. Our heart rate starts to climb, as we feel the fear and dread the fall. We imagine the pain of landing hard as our horse charges off to the other end of the arena.

If our horse wasn’t feeling anxious before, they probably do now! They feel our heart beating faster and pick up on our fear. Now they’re on edge, looking around the arena, trying to figure out where the danger might be lurking. We have inadvertently heightened the risk of the worst-case scenario coming true simply by fearing it.

Worry creates anxiety, and it’s contagious. Our horses can also trigger fear in us when they become afraid. Maybe we walked into the arena and didn’t notice the jumps, but our horse did. Their head goes up, and they snort loudly. Suddenly we start to feel afraid also, as we pick up on their nervous energy. The worst-case scenarios start to play in our head, and we are once again engaged in the spiral of doom, when we haven’t even gotten on our horse yet.

Sometimes worry comes from a place of love instead of fear. We all love our horses, and we want them to be happy, healthy, and enjoy life. In our attempts to make their lives better, it’s easy for us to hyper-fixate on their potential needs and inadvertently create a problem.

An example of this is a horse with an extremely doting, caring new owner who acts like a helicopter parent. The horse seemingly wants for nothing; it has everything a horse could have from bodywork to custom tack to long grooming sessions. Despite this, the horse becomes very anxious, and its ground manners deteriorate. The new owner worries that they’ve missed something, and keeps doing more and more for the horse, only to find the horse gets worse.

How does this happen when the horse is so well-cared for? The horse is reflecting back to the owner the owner’s fears of the horse not being ok. The more the owner worries about the horse, the more the horse a) becomes dependent on the person, and b) worries about itself. We do our horses more good by empowering them and believing in their ability to self-regulate, as well as teaching them to ground themselves, than we do by over-mothering them.

Another situation we often find ourselves is in is worrying about soundness after our horse has come back from an injury. What used to be a carefree day of grooming and riding now turns into an analysis of each step our horse takes. We feel each leg carefully for bumps, heat or swelling when grooming. We monitor their movement throughout the ride to feel for any uneven strides.

While it is good to be aware of these things and pay attention to details, we need to be careful that we don’t overdo it to the point where our horse starts to feel like there’s something wrong with them. Horses are sensitive to our thoughts and feelings, and if they feel like they’re always under the microscope, they can quickly become anxious and insecure without knowing why. We help them more by believing in their ability to recover than we do worrying about the next injury.

It's not easy to avoid the mind game of the what ifs, but awareness is the first step toward change. Recognizing that we have a choice in where we let our thoughts take us can be very helpful in managing them. Then we need to turn our attention to the positive potential outcomes instead of dwelling on potential negatives, or better yet just stay in the moment and work through whatever is in front of us.

We try so hard to protect our horses from every little thing, but we ultimately need to realize they are their own beings and despite living in captivity, they still have a fair bit of free will. Teaching them life skills through horsemanship and groundwork are far more beneficial than worrying about them and therefore creating anxiety.

The more we can show our horses how to emotionally ground themselves and think before reacting, the better equipped they are to handle stressful situations. When we teach them how to use their bodies well and build good posture and strength, their bodies are able to handle more physical stress and less likely to succumb to injury.

Prevention is the best cure, and every situation we encounter is an opportunity to improve their ability to cope with all aspects of life. Instead of worrying, what if we focus on adding more tools to our toolbox and to our horse’s toolbox that will enhance our life and theirs?