The Mirror

Are you the mirror, or is it your horse? We often hear the term “mirroring” when it comes to riding. We know that our horses mirror us in our emotions and behaviours. We are all too familiar with the way we can transfer our confidence and softness, or our tensions and fears, to our horse. Likewise, they can also influence us. If you’ve been on a horse that spooked, you’ve probably felt your heart rate climb and your muscles tense immediately after your horse’s did.

This doesn’t just happen under saddle; it happens on the ground as well. Every moment we spend with our horses, we can be influencing them, they can be influencing us, or we can both remain independent and steadfast. But only one of us is technically the mirror at a time, the other is actually the reflection.

Photo Credit: A Sharper Image Photography

When we create a feeling in our body or mind and our horse begins to match that, we are the mirror and our horse is the reflection. Skilled riders and trainers are masters of controlling their bodies and minds to channel the feeling they want the horse to have, until the horse takes on that feeling. They intentionally become the mirror, and as they influence the horse, the horse becomes the reflection.

On the other hand, riders who struggle with fear and anxiety, balance, or leadership are often influenced by the horse instead of the other way around. If their horse spooks, the rider tenses. If the horse comes out of balance, the rider loses balance. If the horse leans to the inside through the turn, the rider leans as well to avoid falling off. Now the horse is the mirror, and the rider is merely the reflection.

With green or insecure horses, this can lead to a spiral of negative mirroring. The horse spooks so the rider gets scared and pulls on the reins, which causes the horse to feel uncomfortable and claustrophobic, so it spins and bolts, which creates further panic in the rider. They take turns mirroring and reflecting, back and forth, escalating the emotions, both losing their confidence and self-control in the situation.

With a confident, seasoned lesson horse, on the other hand, a novice rider can benefit from the horse being the mirror. Schoolmasters who can remain calm when the rider is nervous and build the confidence of a beginner are invaluable, and worth their weight in gold. The rider can then focus on being a good reflection and learn from the horse.

If it’s possible to be with a horse and not influence one another, is that better than mirroring? Not necessarily. We can use mirroring to our advantage, when we have control of what we are projecting. It is human and equine nature to mirror; both horses and humans have mirror neurons which help us to learn and empathize. Horses that don’t easily mirror/reflect with people are often very disconnected or even shut down.

Why does this happen? Horses that have not learned to build a relationship with people, or horses that have been abused, will avoid connecting on an emotional level. These horses will still react negatively to fearful or angry emotions, but they are much harder to get in sync with using positive emotions. They need to learn to trust and respect humans versus fearing or avoiding them.

Have you ever noticed how over time, horses tend to take on aspects of their owner’s or handler’s personality? I have had the opportunity to observe this phenomenon over the years through coaching and training. Horses that are extremely calm, grounded, and well-mannered with one person can become completely unmanageable with another. Watching this personality shift take place time and time again when a person would buy a new horse was one of the things that inspired me to start writing the Parallel Tales series.

When we are running into issues with our horse, we need to take a step back and look at ourselves first. It’s a humbling experience to go through. Rather than blaming the horse, first we need to assess what kind of a mirror we have been. Is the horse actually being difficult, or are they just reflecting the image we’ve cast?

I was given a book as a child titled “There Are No Problem Horses, Only Problem Riders.” These words ring in my head every time I encounter an issue. Even if the rider truly isn’t to blame, we must always remember that regardless of the cause, it is up to us to find and become the solution. So many times, we don’t realize that our horse’s so-called bad behaviour is just them reflecting something back to us that we aren’t aware of.

To become great riders, we need a heightened level of self-awareness. This applies both to our emotional/mental state, and our body awareness. We need to have control over our thoughts and emotions so that we have a productive internal dialogue. We also need to be aware of both our body and our horse’s body at all times, and how one influences the other.

To ride at a high skill level requires a high level of awareness. Sometimes the absence of an aid means more than an applied aid. Instead of asking your horse to do something with a physical cue, can you instead create the feeling in your body that you want your horse to have in theirs, then allow them to become that feeling?

Horses have an incredible sense of feel and are highly intuitive beings. When we set an intention in our mind or visualize a feeling and outcome, they are capable of picking up on that. So often we get in their way by doing too much or trying too hard, when all we need to do is think of what we want and allow our body and theirs to go there. The more we practice this heightened sense of awareness, the better we get at it.

As we start to operate more through feel, and become human beings rather than human doings, we are able to be more in sync with our horses. We start to speak their non-verbal language. Instead of asking through physical pressure, we ask through suggestion and allowing. We create a harmony with another being that is the ultimate form of connection. We work together instead of separately.  

Isn’t that what we are ultimately striving for in our relationship with horses? Are connection and partnership not the ultimate goals? So, the next time you run into an obstacle with your horse, ask yourself this: Are you the mirror, or are you being the reflection?