The Secret to Success

What is success? The answer lies within asking the question. We all have the option of defining success for ourselves. We can choose to go with outward criteria, based on societal norms or pressures. Or, we can choose our own parameters for success.

Photo Credit: Mutt Love Photography

Humans have varying levels of ambition and drive. Some of us are type A, perfectionists, often labeled as “over-achievers.” Some of us are happier taking each day as it comes, without any set goals. Many of us fall somewhere in the middle. There is no “right” way to be when it comes to ambition. Whether your goal is to one day do the Olympics or it is to enjoy each day with your horse as it comes, both are valid. They also both come with challenges, as anyone who’s been around horses knows that some days do not go as planned!

We can learn a lot from horses about success. Horses don’t set goals the way humans do. They don’t plan far into the future and define themselves based on results. Many people might say horses don’t care about being successful. However, I would again bring that back to one’s definition of success. Is success meeting some outward goals or expectations? Or is it actually a feeling of fulfillment? A feeling of accomplishment? A feeling that we did well?

When defined in terms of feelings, horses absolutely do love success. Every time I praise Lacey, she is clearly delighted to have done well. Her ears prick, her eyes brighten, she arches her neck, and she gains suspension if we are in motion. The more I praise her, the harder she tries. It is clear by her response to praise that she loves feeling good at what she does. The inverse is also true: if I speak about her struggles or apparent lack of effort, her ears go sideways and her eyes dull.

Some may say that we anthropomorphize horses. But if you’ve spent time around animals and built a relationship with them, you know that they do indeed have feelings, just like we do. You have probably felt an animal’s emotions change in an instant based on an interaction with a person. Horses may not wag their tail like a dog when they’re happy, but they display emotions in an obvious way if you observe them.  

So many of us humans are incredibly self-deprecating, and we criticize ourselves when we don’t “succeed.” If we don’t do well at a show, it can damage our self-esteem. When we get stuck in our training and feel like we don’t progress, we might question our ability or self-worth.

But what if the actual failure is not our achievements, it is our poor definition of success? Perhaps we need to change how we look at success. This doesn’t mean the goals need to change, just our assessment of how achieve them.

Competition can be a wonderful thing. I am not a believer in “participation awards,” where we hand out ribbons to everyone. I think it’s great that we have horse shows with judges and scores, provincial and federal leaderboards, and different tiers of competition. I also think it can be a great thing to strive for high levels of achievement within the sport.

However, we also need to be realistic about the time and effort it takes to get there. Goal achievement does not happen overnight; it takes many hours of hard work and practice to get there. In the meantime, we need to set personal tiers of success for ourselves. While we might not get the 70% we were hoping for on our dressage test, that doesn’t mean there weren’t other successes we had at the show. We can celebrate other wins, such as a fluid half pass or a focused horse in the ring. Lacey doesn’t pirouette for a 7 yet, which is my ultimate goal for our pirouettes, but I was sure excited to get a 5 instead of a 3 because she didn’t drop to a walk halfway through!

We cannot measure ourselves against others. Every human and horse are an individual, made up of their own personality and life experiences. Each partnership between a horse and a human is unique. No two partners’ journey will be the same. Individual strengths and weaknesses on top of life experiences will shape each partnership differently. Likewise, each journey to success will be different, as will each individual’s definition of success.

We also need to remember that when someone has different goals than we do, it is not up to us to try to change their ambitions. What makes you happy might not make someone else happy. Our job as friends, coaches, mentors, colleagues, and peers is simply to support one another in whatever each individual chooses for their own journey.

Whether we are striving to be at the top of the sport and go to the Olympics, or our aspirations are the ability to trail ride safely with friends, we get to choose what success is for us. We do not need to conform to another’s idea of success in order to be successful. We simply need to define it personally and hold ourselves accountable to our own standards.

Success is a pleasing thing to attain. We feel good about ourselves when we are successful. We admire other successful people in society. The key is to not tear ourselves down when we aren’t successful. To use these experiences as a stepping stone, part of the learning process. Sure, we can be disappointed, and we can look at what we need to improve upon or do differently the next time. But we can follow our horses’ example and find success in simple ways while we work toward our larger goals. We may not have that 70%, but we should feel good about putting ourselves out there and trying. When we consistently focus on ourselves and our own personal journey, we can absolutely achieve success.