From Cruelty to Kindness

Have we lost our path? There is a lot of emphasis in the horse world right now on finding kinder, more humane ways of training and handling horses. Thanks to the spotlight being put on questionable methods, we have made some progress toward change. Harsh training is being called out and disciplined, and rule changes for tack in favour of equine comfort are being approved.

Photo Credit: Mutt Love Photography

While the focus has shifted toward the positive for horse welfare, there are often times when we could do a better job of this with our fellow humans, as well. Social media has, to a degree, changed the way people treat one another. “Keyboard Warriors” will argue a point or critique a photograph without considering the possibility of unknown-to-them circumstances that may have factored into it, or the emotional repercussions of tearing someone down over the internet.

Pictures are just a snapshot of a moment in time. I could show you a sequence of still shots from the same diagonal line of extended trot in a test, that will go back and forth between “Wow!” moments and frames where the horse has fallen on its forehand, dropped its poll, and isn’t engaging the hind leg properly. It is extremely easy to criticize a photograph and make all sorts of assumptions about the rider’s training techniques, but in reality, no horse is perfect. There will be good and bad moments throughout any dressage test, or we would all be scoring 100%. The best riders are capable of getting back to the good moments almost immediately after the bad ones, so a better way to evaluate someone’s skill as a rider or trainer is how quickly they fix the problems versus expecting perfection throughout the test. There is a reason we ride half halts religiously!

One of the things I love about dressage competitions is that you can forget about where you rank amongst others and solely focus on yourself and your horse. Dressage is the only sport I have ever competed in, in which you can actually place lower when you’re competing against yourself than when you’re competing against others! Thanks to the percentage ranking system for first/second/third place finishes, when you are the only rider in your class, you have to earn your first place ribbon with your score. Whereas if someone else was in the class and scored lower than you did, you could get placed first without the qualifying score.

Another thing I love is the way dressage tests are scored and commented on. We all have the opportunity to track our own individual progress with our horse from test to test, instead of comparing how we ranked against others. Through Achievement Medal programs offered by organizations such as the Alberta Dressage Association and Equestrian Canada, we can set goals of earning scores for medal achievements, instead of winning against our peers.

I feel one of the main reasons people can be so hard on one another stems from their own insecurities. People who are secure and confident in themselves don’t feel the need to tear others down or compare themselves to others. When someone is being judgemental or cruel to another person, whether it be to their face or behind their back, it almost always comes from a lack of confidence in their own ability to succeed.

When I see or hear of someone being unkind toward another person in the industry, I feel a sense of sadness and empathy. Not only for the person being cut down, but also for the person who is being cruel, knowing that it comes from them feeling inferior or threatened by another person’s success. Those feelings of insecurity, combined with a lack of ability to cope with them, leads to them tearing someone else down in order to try to build themselves up. Sometimes this happens between friends or amateurs who are competing against each other, other times between professionals who are scared of losing business to another trainer. Even worse, is when trainers speak poorly about their students behind their backs.

Insecure people think that if they put someone down, it will make that person look bad and themselves look better. But it’s how we treat others that we are ultimately judged by. Someone listening might believe the words in the moment, but there will always be a feeling of unrest toward someone who has spoken unkindly to or about another person. The horse world is small, and actions speak louder than words. Clients and peers will always gravitate toward aligning themselves with people who show integrity and compassion, versus those who cut others down.

When someone else is successful in our sport, instead of feeling threatened, what if we look at it as a sign that it’s also possible for us to achieve success? When someone beats us at a show, what if we could be happy for that person’s success, and also be happy for ourselves and what we achieved, even if it wasn’t a first place ribbon? To me, one person winning doesn’t mean that another person loses. There are so many different victories to be had, no matter where you rank compared to others. Some of my best rides have still resulted in a last place finish, and yet I was delighted because of what I had accomplished with my horse.

Focus on the little wins, even if you didn’t hit the big one you had hoped for. Nailing that square halt on centre line, making it through a test without any mistakes, feeling like you were in harmony with your horse the entire ride. Or perhaps it’s something even further from the ring, such as your herd bound horse coping better with being in a stall for the weekend. There is always good in every situation, even if the good is a lesson to learn. You may have had your worst ride ever but come out of the ring knowing what you need to work on for next time. That is one of the main reasons I go to dressage shows: to figure out where the gaps are in my training, so I know what to focus on at home.

Another thing people often battle with is comparing what they have to what others have. It’s easy to let the feeling that you don’t have the same opportunities as someone else to be discouraging. Sometimes this is directly related to financial resources and what they can afford. Riding is not a cheap hobby, and it seems like everyone in the industry is either affluent or struggling. Other times it might be that it feels like your peers have had an easier path in life and receive opportunities you never had. It is easy to get focused on what we don’t have and blame that for our own lack of success. But success is all relevant, and it should be based on the individual.

I have never had the opportunity to sit on a horse that was trained to a higher level than I had trained a horse. I’ve also never had a horse that was bred for dressage. I paid $535 for the first horse I purchased on my own as a teenager. My current FEI horse, Luminescent (AKA Lacey), was bred to be a hunter – and that is exactly how she moves. I have two ways I could look at my situation. The first option is to feel inadequate or unlucky, because I don’t come from a family that could afford to import a horse for me to learn and compete on. The second option is to feel grateful and accomplished, because I am one of the lucky people in this world who gets to ride and compete (for a living, nonetheless), and I got to learn so much from training horses whom dressage did not come naturally to. I chose the latter.

As we enter our prime time (AKA show season), it is the perfect time to reflect on how we are going to conduct ourselves, and to monitor our feelings and actions. If we can learn to empathize instead of criticize, seek to understand instead of to be understood, encourage one another instead of compete, and assume innocence until proven guilty, perhaps we can build a better culture in our sport and support each other in what we all love to do – work with horses. The three questions we need to ask ourselves prior to speaking about someone else, whether it is to them or to another person are: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If the answer to all three isn't yes, then it is almost always something better kept to ourselves.

At the end of the day, every single person who gets to ride horses is part of a small percentage of extremely fortunate human beings on this planet. Whether your horse is worth four figures or six, it is an amazing thing to have the opportunity to own and show a horse. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, what if we instead chose to look at what we have, and map out our own personal journey and goals, relevant to where we are starting from, and what we are starting with? What if we base our sense of pride and accomplishment on what we have achieved within our own parameters, instead of other people’s? I can guarantee you that you and your horse will be happier if you make your own journey through life, instead of trying to match someone else’s. And isn’t happiness the ultimate success?