Then There Were Three

Ever heard of women hitting manypaws? Well, it seems I’ve entered into the manyhooves phase of my life. It came on very suddenly, without warning. Or maybe there was warning…but I didn’t want to read the signs.

Left to Right: Señala, Carino, Lacey

Lacey’s been battling some injuries to her neck and right shoulder for a couple of years now. It started with her falling in the wash rack when her hind foot slipped during a bath. The twine on the cross ties didn’t snap, and she hyperextended her neck.

The following summer she ran into the corner of her shelter, hard enough to create an indent in the muscle and turn her hair white on the point of her shoulder. Last fall she slipped in the mud, wrenching that same shoulder. Then this spring she spooked at some ducks and whirled to the side, straining her neck.

For the first time in her life aside from one abscess in a hind foot over a decade ago, Lacey was lame. The cumulative injuries to the same area were more than she could cope with, and the spook was the straw that broke the camel’s back. We began shockwave therapy and time off.

I’d had zero intention of buying another horse anytime soon. In fact, the plan was not to for at least 2-3 years, and then start with a youngster to gradually bring along for when Lacey retired down the road. People were often surprised to find out that I, a coach and trainer, only had one horse. But the reality was, I didn’t have time for more than one.

With Lacey being off, suddenly I had a lot of extra time. It was the start of show season, and I was itching to ride and was excited do fun things with my horse all summer. My motivation was at a high, and I had no horse to channel it into.

I’d been horse shopping for a student and came across a lovely three-year-old. The idea popped into my head very unexpectedly: maybe I should buy a prospect now. I offered the prospect I’d seen to my student first, but had she not taken him, I was ready to make an offer.

My student did take him, but the idea was in motion. I posted an ISO on Facebook and started horse shopping for myself for the first time in my life. Every other horse I’ve owned came to me, I didn’t go looking for them, so this was a change of pace. I’d only ever shopped for horses for clients.

The universe responded to my request quickly, and with abundance - within a few weeks I had found not one, but two lovely young Spanish crosses. Everyone told me to trust my gut, so I did…and bought them both! I went from having one horse to 3 (well, technically 2.5 because the third one I went in on with a friend as a resale project).

It was a busy few weeks in June of looking through ads, meeting horses, doing PPEs, and hauling them home. Señala came from BC originally but had been moved to Crossfield to sell. Carino, also born in BC, came from the far side of Saskatchewan, so we bought him sight unseen.

I got through the whirlwind of purchasing, and I was feeling great about having fun new horses to spend time with. I was having a blast doing groundwork with them in their field while they went through their quarantine period at the barn. It was lovely to have new relationships to build while Lacey was on rehab, and something to fill my time with.

But after those initial weeks passed, I ran out of time - Lacey was doing great after a couple rounds of shockwave therapy, and I started her back under saddle. Then the quarantine ended and I was bringing the newbies to the barn and starting them in real work. Suddenly the 3-4 hours per day with 3 horses turned into 6 or more hours, and I couldn’t fit everyone in. My grand plan of working with them all 5 days per week evaporated.

I momentarily felt overwhelmed, and then a little sad as I realized I couldn’t spend time with every horse every day. I knew had to make some changes to my schedule. I came to terms with working with the new ones 4 days per week. I don’t like to overdo the work with younger horses, so as much as I would have loved to spend more time with them, they didn’t need it. Lacey on the other hand does better physically and mentally with fewer days off since she’s in a private pen and working at a higher level, so I kept her at 5 days per week.

There are so many things I enjoy doing in life: writing, reading, coaching, learning, freestyles, website updates…and that’s just the business side of things. I also want to spend time with people outside of work, hang out with my critters, and enjoy some downtime to relax. I’ve had to put many things on the backburner since there aren’t enough hours in a day for it all.

So many of us are dividing our time between work, family, friends, horses, and our other pets and hobbies. How do you choose which activities to prioritize? What do you have to juggle to make room for everything that’s important to you in your life? The only person who can answer that for you is you. Once we come to terms with not being able to do everything, we need to figure out what matters to us most.

Life is like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. There are so many paths we could go down, and often many we want to go down, but we can’t do them all at once. I’ve had to come to terms with the reality that I cannot fit everything I want to do or could do into one lifetime. So, I’ve learned to trust my intuition and go with what feels right in each moment in time.

I’ve started writing a few more books, but they’re not a priority right now. Summer is my busy season, with horse shows, clinics and outdoor lessons adding more into my schedule. I also can’t fit creating freestyles into the summer months. Instead of stressing about finding time to write, I just leave it for when the time presents itself. When I wrote my first book, I had a lot more free time due to an injury. Alberta weather also gives me some unexpected time off each year. When the timing is right to write, the opportunity will present itself once again.

I still get stressed and overwhelmed by the number of things I have to fit into my schedule at times, but I’ve learned that stressing about it doesn’t create more time, it just takes away from my peace and enjoyment of the present moment. There are weeks that my schedule is so full of lessons, shows, and daily life that when I try to plan it all in advance, I can’t find time for everything. When this happens, I often just leave it for a day or two and trust that it will work out. Crazily enough, it always does…things work their way into alignment, and I manage to find time for everything important.

Sacrifices are necessary in some cases. Sometimes that means going to the barn or scheduling my virtual lessons on my days off. Other times it means pushing back housework or working longer hours. This is part of having a full life. Horses take a lot of time, finances, and energy, and we might have to give up some downtime to fit them in. I have to work more hours to financially support more horses. But the enjoyment they bring me makes that sacrifice worth it.

We don’t always feel like going to ride at the end of a long day at work, but we need to remember what our lives would be like without that option. We get to choose how we look at the lifestyle we picked: do we want to view it as a chore when we are tired, that must be completed? Or do we want to see it as a reward for our hard work?

It’s easy when we are tired and overwhelmed to feel resentment toward our hobbies, especially if they feel like an obligation. The same can be said for pets, kids, and other responsibilities in life. At the end of the day, we chose this path for a reason. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of this fact. When I’m cranky about all the housework I need to do, I remind myself that I love having a house.

Balance is necessary in all aspects of life. We can live out of balance temporarily, but in the long run it isn’t sustainable. If we are finding that we spend more time out of balance than in balance long term, that’s when we need to make changes. Having three horses is not my long-term plan. I will likely either sell one, lease one, or continue to co-own and share the time commitment.

We need to remember that life goes through seasons. Nothing is permanent; the only thing guaranteed is change. For now, I am ok with being extra busy. I am choosing to embrace and enjoy the experiences I’m currently having and feeling grateful for the opportunity to have such a full schedule. When the time comes for that to shift, then I will do my best to enjoy the next phase as well.

If you’re in a phase that doesn’t feel comfortable, ask yourself if you’re still happy and if it’s worth it to go through this for now. If the answer is no, then it might be time to make some changes.

Many of my students have come to me over the years feeling guilty for not having enough time to spend with their horses. Oftentimes, it is only the human that sees this as a problem, not the horse. Horses that live on pasture with friends and room to roam have happy, fulfilling lives even without human interaction. They may love people, but they are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves if no one comes out to spend time with them.

Not every horse’s situation is the same, however. Horses that live in a small pen with little room to move around need much more frequent exercise. Same with horses that are working at a higher level and require more fitness; just as a person wouldn’t run a marathon without training consistently first, horses can’t be worked hard without a baseline level of fitness.

Injuries are another factor. While a sport horse may only need five rides per week, an injured horse on stall rest or rehab might need hand walking or care 7 days per week. Weather can also play a factor. When it’s raining non-stop and paddocks are pure mud, horses get stiff and sore. They may need more frequent exercise on solid ground to stay supple and sound.

When we pick a horse, these are factors to consider. If we know we will only be able to get to the barn a couple times per week, choosing a horse that is relatively low maintenance is key. A horse that can live on pasture in group turnout, doesn’t have dietary restrictions, and will behave the same whether it’s ridden daily or a few times a month will be a far better match than a high maintenance, high energy individual.

Sometimes when we buy a horse, it doesn’t turn out to be what we thought (or what we were sold). If it’s not the right match, it’s okay to sell it and start over. If the horse isn’t a great match for you, most likely you’re not a great match for them either. Finding a better fit for that horse and then for yourself is far kinder than struggling to fulfill their needs and yours and ending up burnt out or resentful.

But if you have a horse that is happy doing their own thing the majority of the time and doesn’t suffer when you’re not out every day, let go of the guilt you feel when you have to prioritize other areas of life. Señala and Carino are just as happy hanging out with their friends in the field as they are coming into the barn to work; if I feel guilty about not spending two hours per day 5 days per week with them, that’s a “me” problem not a “them” problem.

If you’re struggling to find balance in your life, the best advice I can offer is to take a step back and really evaluate your priorities. Fit in the things that are most important to you first and let the rest fill the gaps as they arise. And if you have to make some changes in your life, that’s okay…we don’t have to stick with the same plan forever. People grow and change, as do priorities. Figure out what makes you happy now, what will make you happy in the short term, and let the rest take care of itself when the time comes.